Despite your full out effort to prove otherwise, I alone am the expert of my own thoughts, beliefs, and motivations, just as you are the expert on yours. Yet you presume to lecture/correct me on mine, and sphynx on hers, merely for pointing out that we believe that: 1) His mistakes, while hardly of the magnitude of hers, were significant, and he can and should learn from them, and 2) Infidelity, while devastating to a relationship, is not necessarily the end of it. Couples can and do move past it and rebuild, often improving the relationship beyond what it was before. You say we're blaming the victim, and suggest that she should have warned him that if he didn't stop dismissing her, she would consider it a deal breaker. Okay then, let's go with your victim analogy. If beats a woman up, is she responsible for it, because she failed to tell him that if he blackened her eye or busted her teeth out, it would be a deal breaker? I took a few minutes to view your posting history. Not only do you show a clear gender bias (or, more to the point, an extremely negative view of women), but you also seem intent on arguing, for argument's sake. That's not my thing, so you'll have to proceed without me beyond this post. You aren't big on accepting that opposite views can each be valid perspectives of the same situation. The glass that is half empty is still half full. The OP is not a saint, and his DW is not a demon (although I did find your discussion of demons very interesting). The OP and his DW are just flawed individuals who have made mistakes (as we all do), hers more drastic than his. Now they're left to puzzle whether or not they can/even want to save their marriage. I once chose to forgive and even support my ex's looooong work hours. I even forgave his affair, and sought out individual and couples counseling to try to rebuild the marriage. When it became apparent that he was a serial cheater, I divorced him. But I never regret trying to make it work. I never lose a moment's sleep feeling remorse for not giving it my best effort. Even as the victim, I'd be a fool not to own and learn from the mistakes I made in that marriage. His were far worse by comparison, but I own mine, so I never repeat them.